Sobbing, I peered up to see a tiny little body lying still. The first thing I noticed was his hair. The nurses made it into a little mohawk. He had so much hair. The nurse took him out of the isolette and laid him in my arms. I fell apart. This little person is ours. Him and I made it through with a wonderful husband/daddy by our side.
After what seemed like only a second, but lasted at least a half hour, I had to go back up to my room and leave my little boy behind. While I knew he was in the best hands, I wanted to take him with me. Why couldn't I have him in my room like most moms? I knew the answer, but hated reality.
I finally moved from the ICU to postpartum around 4:00 that evening. I went down again to see my little boy later, but again, couldn't stay long as I needed to heal.
Saturday, June 5th: I woke up in the middle of the night with a fever of 101. I was drenched in sweat and freezing cold. They didn't think it was too serious and it went away. But it came back that night and with severe chills. I had another fever of 104.2 degrees. I was burning up but felt so incredibly cold. They started doing labs. Thinking it was Pneumonia, they sent me downstairs for a chest x-ray. Those came back negative.
Sunday, June 6th: Still horrible fevers and chills about every 4 hours. It became difficult for me to even go downstairs to see Max. They thought my infection was in my incision, so they sent me down for an CAT scan. Again, negative. They decide to do a blood culture to see what's going on. Problem is, those take at least 24 hours, so they put me on two different antibiotics in hopes that will get rid of whatever infection I have.
Monday, June 7th: Fevers and chills continue. I couldn't leave the hospital until I was without a fever for at least 24 hours. At this point I am frustrated. I can't have Max in the room with me because he isn't eating from a bottle so he has to be tube fed in the NICU, and it's hard for me to get down there between fevers and chills. At this point I have told Chris to go home and sleep - there's nothing he can do. He slept there a couple nights to keep me company. Blood culture came back inconclusive, so they do another one. I have had so much blood drawn and so many IVs in different places that they have completely run out of places to poke. The head lab person had to come in to take it from a vein that usually isn't used. The doctor is telling me I'm a medical mystery because they can't find the infection anywhere and the antibiotics aren't working.
Tuesday, June 8th: Still on antibiotics and still experiencing the fevers and chills. I'm so frustrated and I'm an emotional wreck. I just want to go home. But do I? We don't get to bring Max home until he is eating from a bottle only. The doctor comes in and says I have a little heart murmur, so they do an echo cardiogram on me. On a happy note - HOT doctor maneuvering electrodes around my boobs = awkward! The test came back negative as well. I was perfectly healthy except for this stupid infection. Come to find out, it was streptococcus that was infecting my blood, which is why they had a hard time finding it. The strain of streptococcus that I had was immune to the antibiotics I was on, which is why none of them were working. FINALLY on the right antibiotics, the doctor said I should be going home soon. Unfortunately, the antibiotics took 24 hours to work.
Wednesday, June 9th: It's been 2 weeks since I first came to the hospital. I was still having slight fevers as the antibiotics were starting to work, but they finally ended in the early afternoon. Now I had to stay for another 24 hours to be sure the fever was done.
Thursday, June 10th: I get to go home! It was bittersweet really. We had to leave Max at the hospital. The nurses had become family - all very sweet. I was sad to leave them as well.
The next two weeks were long and depressing. Max was slowly eating more each day, but still very much dependent on the tube feeding his second week in the NICU. Come the third week he was really starting to get the hang of it and doing much better! Leaving him there every night was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I just wanted him home. His crib was ready but very empty without him in it. The house was just too quiet.
Thursday, June 24th: Max finally came home! After a long 4 weeks in the hospital between the both of us, the three of us were finally home...for good.
Needless to say, every part of our story was worth it. It is still very difficult for me reflecting back on the ordeals we went through to get here. However, we were blessed with the most beautiful little boy I could have ever imagined. He's happy, healthy, and downright sweet.
I'll never have a baby naturally (the risks are too high), and that saddens me. I think about it almost every day. But I have such an amazing foundation, and that is my family. Chris is my rock. He keeps me strong and keeps me going. Our families are so supportive and Max certainly has so much love. I look at him and all my worries disappear. The twinkle in his eye when he smiles melts my heart.
Now almost 5 months old, he has changed our life in such an amazing way. God was really looking over us those 4 weeks and we couldn't be more grateful.
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